Sometimes we have to learn the hard way.
Over the past few decades, I repeatedly let people get away with things that hurt me and I couldn’t understand why it didn’t make them appreciate or love me more.
The more I was trying to please everyone, the more shit I got.
It just didn’t make sense to me.
If I am a loving and understanding of others, I should get more back…
But it doesn’t always work that way.
I found myself, so many times, in a situation when people have done things behind my back, lied to me, cheated on me, used me, manipulated me, controlled me and the list goes on.
I usually gave them another chance, even when I was completely heartbroken and then again and again…
Sadly I experienced that things didn’t get any better and my betrayer kept pushing even more.
And why not??!!
Let’s see how far this girl will let me go and how much I can push.
The more, I desperately desired respect and love; sadly, the less I got.
I didn’t have respect for myself, so why should I expect respect from anyone else.
I didn’t set up any boundaries. There was no visible line set by me. I allowed people to go as far as they wanted and they knew they would get away with it.
My last relationship gave me the most significant lesson ever.
I don’t think I ever let anyone push me that far. It exceeded everything I have ever experience in the past.
I completely lost myself.
I got to the point where I had no self-confidence, self-respect, I stopped believing in myself.
This was precisely the point where I learned the hard way.
It took me a while until I realized where it all comes from me.
Lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will get.
Now I know if I want people to treat me nicely and respect me, the first step is to start to treat myself with respect.
The moment when I realized that I only get what I tolerate was one of my breaking points.
I needed to learn to say “NO” without feeling guilty.
It was not easy, and I had to take specific steps and actions to achieve this.
My transformation didn’t happen overnight and I made many mistakes on my journey, but I am grateful for every single one of them.
Everything I learned, all of my breakthroughs, my own experience plus my coaching skills make me a specialist in my niche.
Leaving a toxic relationship is so freaking hard, recovering from it is even harder and more challenging, but it’s not impossible.
All it takes is to make that first step and decide from now on you’re getting your life back no matter how difficult or scary it is.
Another step is to set up your healthy boundaries and commit to them.
You can make your own, but there are some I resonate with the most, and you can use them to inspire you.
1. Define your limits.
You are a free person and you don’t have to do things you are not ok with, just to please other people. Saying NO without guilt is your right. Saying no is your line that should not be crossed.
2. Trust your gut feeling.
Learn to recognize good feelings from bad. Your feelings will always tell you what to do.
3. Ask for what you need.
Give your self permission to ask for what you want. Let other people know your needs.
4. Be clear about who you are.
Stand by your beliefs and values and don’t settle for less.
5. Speak your truth.
Always feel free to say what you want to say. If someone doesn’t like your truth, it is their problem, not yours.
6. Let go of people.
If there is someone who doesn’t serve you anymore, feel free to let them go. You are not responsible for them or their happiness.
7. Take care of yourself.
You are not selfish to put yourself first. The more you care and love yourself, the less nonsense you will tolerate.
8. Let other people treat you as an equal.
No one is above you and no one in under you. We are all on the same level and have equal rights.
9. Stand up for your goals.
No one gets to tell you your dreams are worthless. You have the right to say: This is what I want and this is what I am going to do. Feel free to support me or say nothing.
10. Take responsibility for your happiness.
Do not blame others for your unhappiness. Find the way to be happy despite others behaviors and despite the external circumstances.
I know that setting boundaries is challenging, but it’s essential to be able to protect ourselves.
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” – Brené Brown
About The Author
Lucie Hanzlickova – Accredited Toxic Relationship and Empowerment Coach for Women.
Lucie is a survivor of a toxic and abusive relationship and found her purpose in supporting other women on their journey to recovery. Her mission is to help women healing from a toxic relationship, rebuilding their confidence, and taking back control of their life by guiding them through a proven system.
She believes that every single woman has power and enormous potential to awake their inner warrior and have the ability to create a life they always wanted.
You can find her and connect with her
or Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lucie.hanzlickova.13
You can also join her Facebook group,
My Pain My Gain, supporting women, healing and recovering from toxic relationships: https://www.facebook.com/groups/802345226963965/?ref=share