Do not seek out to be perfect: IT’S EXHAUSTING!
What is perfect anyway? Who said you or a situation has to be perfect?
I feel like I’ve tried to push myself to a level of perfection, whatever perfection looks like for the individual involved.
We all have our own version of perfection. Usually it’s a flawless creation where everything is exactly how it should be and “correct”.
It’s the moment when there are no faults and nothing needs to change.
Reality check – perfection is hard to find. And how can you recognise perfection if you didn’t see the faults first?
To recognise perfection we must understand that it wouldn’t exist without knowing the flaws and the errors of something first.
This includes faults and the need to control an outcome that results into our very own perception of the term ‘perfect’.
I definitely failed trying to identify with this illusion of perfection.
I even expected perfection looking in the mirror, it was worse when comparing myself to others. Any defect, blemish or hair out of place would ruin the rest of the day.
I wanted to be an expert at everything at first attempt – if I failed I felt it was a disaster. Anger would surface and frustration would linger for hours and sometimes for days.
Whenever I recorded a video of myself it had to be perfect the first or second time only.
But I’d restarted and recorded the video more than 20 times. In the end the recorded video didn’t even get uploaded. So much time was wasted trying to create perfection!
I tried to perfect others too. How shameful of me, I’m not proud of that one. It usually turned into arguments and resentment or worse loss of that person I was trying to perfect.
I had to accept the truth, after all the only one coming to save us from our own sanity is ourselves.
Facing this harsh reality meant facing up to the flaws. I had to accept who I was and I had to expect less from others too.
I lowered the standards of trying to perfect and control everything because it really was so exhausting!
Honestly, I’d noted every flaw in myself, another person, a situation and of course complained every single time when it wasn’t up to my expectations.
I’d find a need to try to fix many things that weren’t even broken. I’d get all worked up over the small stuff because it wasn’t up to my standards and life always appeared to be at fault.
I wasn’t living my life and I needed to start living.
It was controlling my life and robbing me of my happiness.
My mindset was negative, argumentative and I wasn’t fun to be around.
I just needed to let go of this overwhelming need to be perfect and controlling.
I had to change. I was setting my expectations to be perfect too high.
What needed to change?
The mindset:
It’s easier said than done but it’s so powerful. The need for perfection was affecting me, the state of mind I was adopting was becoming my reality.
When you start to focus your mind on something you start to see more of it.
This can be known as the ‘The Frequency Illusion’ (also known as the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon) which is part of one of your mind’s cognitive bias.
When you focus on something you become more aware of it, you start to pay more attention to that “thing” and you suddenly see it and hear about it everywhere. In this case, seeing faults…everywhere!
The frequency:
‘If it ain’t broke don’t fix it’. The energy I was plugging into was just creating flaws in everything.
I was stopping the natural flow of happiness to come to me.
I was pushing away the vibrational frequency of just allowing and accepting that perfection doesn’t exist only imperfection does. Because perfection is an illusion.
Self talk:
When it came to me I was an expert at counting my faults and defects.
If I received a compliment from someone about how I looked or acted, I found a flaw in that.
They either wanted something in return or saw one of my faults felt bad for me and decided to make me feel better.
Or they’re just pointing out how grateful they’re that they don’t have my imperfection.
Stop making such assumptions!
Why allow yourself to accept this form of self talk?
Could it be that they’re actually telling the truth? When they compliment you on something you dislike about yourself, let it be your reminder that it probably wasn’t a fault in the first place.
One person’s imperfection is another person’s perfection.
Be mindful of how you talk to yourself and what you choose to filter into your mindset.
Change the need for control and embrace your inner child:
When we try to control everything we become frustrated when it doesn’t turn out the way we wanted.
We need to accept that sometimes being able to control something is out of our control.
When we were children, we accepted the flow of life. Our natural curiosity allowed us to embrace and accept every present moment.
Children don’t understand what perfect is because to them everything already is imperfectly perfect.
Perfection and control from a child’s perspective. When bubbles are blown they flow in the direction of the wind which is uncontrollable.
There is usually no desire in the child to control the direction of the bubbles because they’re in so much awe, the next set of bubbles to be blown is exciting.
Even when the bubbles pop spontaneously, this is also out of their control.
The child just accepts the present moment with no desire to control the situation or process and completely embraces the event as perfectly and imperfectly controlled.
The child is in the flow of acceptance which brings inner happiness.
Embrace the present:
If you focus on trying to control an outcome or moment to make it perfect you’ll miss the best bits and regret not accepting you and life for all that is now.
‘Be where you are, otherwise you’ll miss your life’ – Buddha.
Don’t get so hung up on faults.
Control the need to change what isn’t your version of perfect. Casting around for the need to make things perfect every day is creating distress.
Worrying turns into stress which brings an overwhelming amount of thoughts.
We then focus on the unimportant things that are unnecessary.
Those who constantly seek for everything to be perfect will result in being unfulfilled in life.
Practice being present.
One quick way to do this is to sit in a safe space. Close your eyes. Take up to 3 long slow deep breaths and then start to count up to 5 sounds that you can hear in that moment.
Try to concentrate on each sound individually for up to 20 to 30 seconds. It also helps to hear and feel the rise and fall of your natural breath too.
Accept all imperfections:
In every way you’re imperfect.
You’re unique and that’s what makes you so amazing internally and externally.
There is and always will be only one you.
Imperfection is accepting that you’re unable to control every event and how you look.
When you accept you and the moment of just embracing the here and now.
You’ll realise that perfection comes from imperfection. Which results in a more natural flow state for happiness.
There are no judgements and you accept all your uniqueness.
When you accept your authentic imperfect imperfections you are a happier version of you.
About The Author:
Rebecca, Holistic Spiritual Life Coach and a Mother of one. Her mission is encouraging others to recognize their own self worth and discover their true authentic power within. Motivating others to change the perspective of life’s challenges and keeping a positive mindset to start living. Banishing negative behaviours and procrastination.
