Let’s be honest, nobody wants to find out their partner has cheated on them.
It’s painful, you sometimes blame yourself, it knocks your confidence and then in come the why’s and what if’s.
As a woman who has been cheated on and has chosen to forgive and even marry that person who I now call my husband was difficult. I felt weak, ugly, letdown and really hurt.
You have 2 options when this happens you can either forgive and move forward which trust me isn’t easy, it takes hard work, honest conversations and a lot of forgiveness or you end the relationship and move on.
If you decide to forgive and move forward in the relationship you have to leave the infidelity in the past.
My number one tip for you would be if you are going to forgive you must also forget because bringing it up at every chance and throwing in in your partners face every time you have an argument or a disagreement will only cause problems further down the line and will cause you both to be unhappy.
Forgiveness is not easy it takes hard work on your part.
I found talking about it and finding out what was the cause of the cheating worked massively for me.
I blamed myself for it and constantly questioned the why’s and what if’s and after talking about everything I realised it wasn’t me, I wasn’t the cause of it and I hadn’t done anything wrong.
The problem was caused by my husbands moment of weakness. I recently realised me forgiving him was easier than him forgiving himself.
We took the time to talk through everything. We sat and put everything on the table, all our feelings, emotions and talked about where we go from here. Together we worked on our issues and you have to take the time to heal.
Remember infidelity doesn’t always mean your partner doesn’t love you it can sometimes mean a moment of weakness, a drunken mistake, they had a connection with somebody else and took it too far, they had a feeling they weren’t loved anymore or there wasn’t much affection within the relationship.
This is why communication is so important in a relationship. Take the time weekly or even daily to sit down and talk to each other, be honest about your feelings, tell each other what’s missing in the relationship and what issues you have with each other.
Some people will say they haven’t got the time. If your relationship is important to you. Find the time.
This might be hard to believe but sometimes after someone has cheated in the relationship it can make your relationship better.
It can make people realise where there were problems and what faults they had in the relationship and finally fix them.
As people we can sometimes neglect our partners without even realising and Life can sometimes get in the way.
Whether that’s work, kids or just day to day things before you know it you have put you partner to the back of the list. I’ve been guilty of this myself over the years.
Then comes the honesty. Being honest is sometimes the hardest thing for somebody to do. It’s not easy asking you partner all the questions…
The who was it with?
Is it over?
How do you know them?
Will it happen again?
Were they good looking?
Were they better than me and …
Was it really worth it?
The answers to the questions are not always easy to hear and don’t always go the way you wanted but as people, we need to hear the details, the reasons and the why’s.
We need to know all this in order to move on and stop the constant questions going around in your head and to get the closure on it.
Without the brutal honesty from both of you, how will you ever move on?
You need to see your partner is sorry, you both need to know if you genuinely want to be with each other and you need to know that it wont happen again in order to make it work.
By no means is this a overnight fix. So ask yourself…
Are you willing to put in the work to save your relationship?
Do you love each other enough to make it work?
Will you forgive and forget? and most importantly…
Will you leave it in the past in order to save the relationship?
About The Author:
Vicki is married and mum of 4 children. 2 boys and 2 girls originally from Manchester she moved to Costa Del Sol 8 years ago and started a new life in the sun.
Vicki decided to become a relationship coach and help women struggling with intimacy and confidence within their relationship.
Vicki has been a victim to sexual assault, she’s also been physically and violently assaulted in a past relationship and came out the other side stronger and more confident than ever.
Please feel free to contact Vicki online via:
Facebook group: ‘Relationships!!! The good, The bad and The intimacy’